God, You, & Sex

God, You & Sex one of the few books I’ve ever seen that actually seeks to really address sex on a root biblical foundation and not make it so prim and proper, or like its something to be avoided.

David White takes the position that sex is not only good but that it is a gift from God for His children to enjoy within the confines of marriage. Something I’ve always struggled with is this idea that God rejoices in human sexuality. Yet White makes this assertion, that Scripture supports this perspective. And while no Scripture is immediately given, there is other verses that are pointed out that points to God giving the command to be fruitful and multiply (Genesis). And to do that, sex is a must. 

My biggest takeaways from this book are: 1. Sex was designed by God during creation and He said all He created is good. Therefore sex in the way God intended it is good. 2. The way God intended sex is in marital covenant. When engaged outside of its parameters, like many other things it will have consequences. 3. The church needs to have more conversations about sex. We need to do more than tell the younger generations to avoid it, because when they get married they will still struggle with it. We need to give them the necessary context for sex and when it is appropriate to engage in it. As parents we need to have these conversations at home BEFORE our kids engage in sex rather than have poor versions of this conversation as a knee jerk reaction to them engaging in premarital sex.

Would I recommend this book? Absolutely. I think young adults and teenagers NEED to read this book. They need to understand full context of sex, when it is appropriate and when it is not.

(FYI: I received this book from the publisher, New Growth Press, in exchange for my honest review.)

New Q&A with Author Natalie Chambers Snapp!

So a new book that is releasing this fall is The Bathsheba Battle. And to celebrate, we have a short Q&A with the author to answer some really great questions about the book and her reasons for writing it.

Q: You describe Bathsheba as one of the most misunderstood women in the Bible. How is she typically misrepresented?

Bathsheba is often portrayed as the adulteress—as though she was a vixen with the intent to tempt David and hopefully, take her on as his wife. However, the fact remains that she was a victim of David’s own desires and paid a very dear price for his sin. Sadly, victims can sometimes be blamed and in the case of Bathsheba, that’s exactly what happened. 

Q: What were some of the tragic circumstances that Bathsheba found herself in that were out of her control? How can we relate to her story today?

First of all, some commentaries claim Bathsheba was trying to entice David by bathing in the courtyard of her home. However, during the time in which Bathsheba lived, indoor plumbing didn’t exist! Therefore, most families had a basin in the courtyard for bathing purposes. When David saw her bathing, she was obeying the cleansing ritual required of women after monthly menstruation. She was not trying to entice David—she was simply following the rules of her culture! How would she even know David was going to be walking on his rooftop at the precise moment she was bathing? 

When David saw Bathsheba, he was immediately impressed with her beauty and summoned her to his palace. During those days, when the king summoned you to the palace, you did not have a choice, you went. So off Bathsheba goes to meet David and once there, they have sex. We have no way of definitively knowing if David assaulted her, but she did go to his palace against her will. For that reason, we can speculate that was a likely possibility. Bathsheba became pregnant which is when things start to go off the rails! 

David tries to hide his sin by summoning Bathsheba’s husband, Uriah, one of his most valuable warriors, home from the war (which is where David was supposed to be as well). Once Uriah reaches the palace, David proceeds to feed him a large meal and encourages him to drink a lot of wine so he will go home and have sex with Bathsheba. Problem solved! He can then pass his child off as Uriah’s, and no one needs to know about his sin. However, David failed to consider the fact that Uriah was a man of honor and refused to visit his wife when his men were still waging a war. Instead, he slept on the front porch of the palace with the servants. David tried a second night to get Uriah to visit his wife, but Uriah refused.

At this point in the story, we can see how sin will take you further than you ever wanted to go. Instead of confessing and coming clean to everyone, David orders Uriah to the frontlines of the battle, and of course, he is killed. Now, Bathsheba was possibly raped by the king, pregnant, and her husband is dead. All these things were out of her control. 

After Uriah’s death, David takes Bathsheba as his wife. However, the restitution of David’s sin is the life of the child Bathsheba was carrying. Soon after the birth of David and Bathsheba’s son, the infant died. We see Bathsheba as a grieving mother, another event out of her control. 

I think so many people can relate to Bathsheba’s story because 1) suffering happens to all of us and 2) sometimes, our suffering is the result of someone else’s actions and choices. In no way should we remain victims, but I think Bathsheba’s story is God’s way of telling us that He sees us, understands our pain, and is the Ultimate Justifier. 

Q:  Can you share about a hardship or disappointment in your own life that provided the inspiration to write The Bathsheba Battle?

Absolutely! When I was in my late twenties, I was married to a man with a drug problem, but I did not know it. As many who have loved addicts understand, there are often behaviors corresponding with addiction that are not healthy for a young marriage and therefore, we divorced. Two months after I filed for divorce, my father, who was in and out of my life due to his own addiction issues, passed away unexpectedly. 

Life had definitely taken a very unexpected turn and was not at all going the way I had planned. It was a dark season, and yet also the very season in which I became a follower of Jesus. My deconstruction led to my reconstruction. I have been remarried for fifteen years and have three beautiful children; however, periods of suffering have also been peppered throughout those years as well. Suffering is often cyclical and that has been true of my life!

Q: Explain how transformation happens during renovation. Where does renovation take place?

It sounds so trite, and I’m not going to lie, there were times during my own periods of suffering when I just wanted to scream when people said this to me. But the fact remains, when we are deconstructed by trauma and circumstances in or beyond our control, if we humble ourselves to the process, we will indeed emerge with greater wisdom and grace. Suffering is the great equalizer—it does not discriminate between gender, race, beliefs, or socio-economic status. No one is immune. However, if we humble ourselves to the process, we will emerge with new eyes of strength and dignity. 

Q: Do we always have the ability to choose how we respond to our situation? Why is this such a significant choice, especially when we must endure a consequence of someone else’s sin?

Yes, I believe we do. We can’t always control what happens to us, but we can always control how we will respond. Living life as a victim will ultimately make you feel powerless, depressed, and distrustful of people. It will lead to a life of bitterness, resentment, and anger. On the other hand, when we respond to our trauma with a humble heart and a willingness to be molded by our suffering, we feel empowered, strong, and able to help others when their time of suffering emerges. When we choose to live as victims, we give others power over our lives. When we choose to live as survivors, we understand that we possess the power ourselves. 

Q: How does your study on Bathsheba shift from part one of the book to part two?

In Part One, we discuss the byproducts of our suffering: fear, shame, anger, and comparison. In Part Two, we look at how to overcome these negative emotions and live empowered and with hope. 

Q: What does Bathsheba’s story teach us about forgiveness?

We don’t really know about Bathsheba’s forgiveness process because it’s not discussed in the Bible. However, we do see her stand before David in 1 Kings 1 with an empowered and confident voice that exhibits love and respect towards her husband. Perhaps somewhere during the course of their marriage, Bathsheba made peace with her circumstances—she chose her response and not to live as a victim. 

Not living as a victim involves forgiveness and yet, this does not mean she might not have felt like a victim for a while. It doesn’t mean that she didn’t feel shameful. And it doesn’t mean that she didn’t grieve the loss of the life she thought she might have. It does, however, indicate that she chose to keep moving forward without allowing her grief and shame to negatively impact who she ultimately became. A woman who is victorious over suffering is the most beautiful and inspiring to us all.  

Learn more at nataliesnapp.com. She can also be found on Facebook (@AuthorNatalieSnapp), Twitter (@nataliesnapp) and Instagram (@nataliesnapp).  

You can also purchase a copy of the book here.

Preparing Your Heart for Marriage

This is like only the second couples devotional I've ever come across and yet the first one that is specifically for engaged couples. 

Gary Thomas is known for his Christ-centered books for families. Most of them (especially the ones I've read) are on marriage. My favorite is Sacred Marriage. It has really progressed how I view marriage. 

So recently Gary Thomas released this devotional. It is for 30 days prior to marriage and has a day of the wedding devotional for both the bride and the groom. What I love is that the devotions are not expected to be read by just one person, they are expected to be read by both the bride and the groom. AND there are reflection questions for them to discuss. Also, the devotions are about 3 pages each. The devotions are broken down into 3 groups: God's Plan for marriage, Preparing for your vows, & The wedding vows. If you look below at the photos, you'll see the titles of each devotional in each section. One thing to note is that Gary Thomas is addressing the marriage, not the wedding. He isn't addressing the literal wording of the vows BUT the meaning behind those vows and what it looks like in action. He's addressing engaged couples' headspace going into marriage. He's giving them a tool to help them succeed. To know that marriage is full of forgiveness and grace and service unto each other. 

Table of Contents pg 1

Table of contents pg 2

Back cover

This back cover captivated me because it made me think, was I spiritually ready for marriage when I got married 8 1/2 years ago? Honestly no. I was not ready on spiritually and while I thought I was ready emotionally, I actually was not. And because of that, my marriage suffered a bit under my immaturity. There are days now, when it still may suffer from my attitude.

So I recommend this book along with good godly pre-marital counselling (preferably by a neutral party).

{As always, I received this book from the publisher in exchange for my HONEST opinion.}

The Life Giving Table

I've been sitting on this book for quite awhile. Sitting savouring what I was reading and enjoying the recipes shared in the book by Sally.

So this is book two in the Life-Giving Series. This particular book focuses on mealtime and how it can be used to disciple those who dine with us. Of course, because Sally is a mom of four, a majority is told from the perspective of using meal time to disciple the hearts of our family and set a tone of nurturing each other through meals and the time spent. However, she also includes some experiences of hers from before she and Clay had children so their mealtime discipleship would be for their friends and acquaintances while abroad on missions, specifically in Vienna, Austria.

Mealtime does not have to be just eating but also includes the conversation that can occur over meals (I say can because not everyone converses during meals).

So one of the best parts? The nuggets found throughout the book and the recipes that are tried and true direct from Sally's kitchen (each chapter includes several recipes). The first chapter that is written by Sally's husband, Clay. And it is so good because you get the why from a male's perspective, who purposefully participates in this process. As a mom who wants to leave a godly influence on my children, this book, as well as the others in the series, are apart of the treasure trove.

This is the table of contents. As you can see there are about 14 chapters and each chapter has about 2--4 recipes at the end, there are at least 30 recipes in this book. There is an appendix with conversation starters which is awesome for families who are just introducing the idea of discipleship around mealtime.

This is how each chapter starts off. The table-discipleship principle at the beginning of each chapter kind of gives you an idea of what that chapter will cover.






{FYI: I received this book from the publisher (Tyndale) in exchange for my honest opinion.}

The Store

I just wanted to share with you some bible studies (and a journaling devotional) that I've written. They all come in PDF format. And are extremely affordable: roughly $3 each. 

You can find them here!

If you purchase a copy, I'd love to hear your feedback and if you have a suggestion on a topic for the next study, comment below :)

Are you a fruitful wife?

As a wife my greatest goal is to be the best wife I can be.

Not only so that my marriage is enjoyable.

Not only so my husband is happy.

But because my marriage is an earthly example of Jesus' relationship with the church.

To be a fruitful wife is to embody the nine fruits of the Spirit. Or rather to cultivate the nine fruits of the Spirit.

• love
• joy
• faithfulness
• kindness
• self-control
• peace
• gentleness
• goodness
• patience

Haley DiMarco, addresses the need to be a fruitful wife. Her goal is writing this book is to answer the question: How can you be the woman God is calling you to be, a woman who bears the fruit of the Spirit in your marriage and in the daily grind of life?

She explores and unpacks the biblical significance of being fruitful. Many of us get married and we come to certain passages to help us understand our roles. Proverbs 31 is very popular. So is Titus 2. Ephesians 5 is getting there (although those who do not want to respect their spouses unconditionally may overlook or misinterpret that passage). But then we come to Galatians 5, where Paul gives us the fruit of the Holy Spirit working in our lives, how we will see it in others; how others will see it in us.

I like how Haley shares bits of her personal life in this book, so its not generic. So I, the reader, can feel like she's relating to my daily struggle as a wife and my daily goal as a wife.

I like that I have a visible way to apply the fruit of the Spirit in my life. And the greater beauty is that while I am seeking to improve myself in marriage, it will have a larger impact to extend to others as well. Because I can't truly cultivate the fruit of the Spirit and only use it some of the time, its all or nothing.

#Application is the key to change. It's one thing to read a book and like the message its another thing for that book to give application to reinforce change. Haley gives me meat for change. 

If you are married, get the book. If you are engaged, get the book.

If you are single, STILL get the book.  

This is applicable in ALL stages of life.

{FYI, I did receive this book from the publisher (Crossway) in exchange for my honest opinion.}

Strong & Kind

As a parent have you ever sat down to think of character traits you wanted to instill in your children?

I mean, sure kids have those ingrain traits but all of those traits are not good nor do we want them to sustain those traits. For example, Caleb (our 4 year old) has developed a tendency to be selfish with his things and while if left unchecked could become a very nasty character trait to have. As parents we have chosen to prune his character early and abolish that tendency before it becomes a hardcore character trait.

I'd been reading the book Strong & Kind by Korie Robertson and if you watch Duck Dynasty then you know who she is. If you don't then, here's a quick update: Korie is the wife of  Willie who now the head of the family business. She's been a mama for over twenty years, so I'd say she's got plenty of practice and experience.

I'd made it my business to add this book to my collection because I have yet to read anything from this family that I disliked or disagreed with. I love their principles and how grounded they are in the word of God.

In this book Korie details Strong & Kind, the two character traits that she and Willie decided they wanted to pass on to their children. They agreed while their children was young that they wanted them to be strong to endure in this world and to be kindhearted people.

 And in that choice came the realization that you cannot want to develop those traits in your children without developing & living them out yourself. It is ever so important to make sure that whatever character trait you choose to develop in your children that you LIVE THEM.

The book is awesome because it doesn't just focus on those two character traits but many character traits and the living those traits out as parents. Because as most of parents have realized its a "monkey see monkey do" world not a "monkey say monkey do" world.

Without realizing it, my hubby and I had already been modeling certain character traits for our children. My husband has been showing our children to be hardworking and consistent and to be well dressed. I'd been showing my children the importance of books and reading but also of love. My children will quickly hug you and say I love you. Because that's how their mama is. I like warm friendly welcomes. Give me a hug not a handshake! lol.

And prayerfully the good retains while we kick the bad traits out of all of us. :)

{FYI: I received this book via the booklookbloggers program in exchange for my HONEST review.}

What if Marriage was intended to be sacred?

How often do we go into marriage with the understanding of being made happy by the marriage and our spouse? How often do we hear people end marriages because they were "unhappy?"

Now what if you were to learn that God did not design our marriage with our happiness as its central focus? What if our marriage is designed to make us holy before Him? What if marriage was not designed for our happiness but to completely glorify God?

That is what Gary Thomas is answering for us and opening our eyes to see in his book Sacred Marriage.

When I got married and throughout a great portion of marriage and even at times now, I get angry because of the times when we are unhappy and it is chaotic. I am still learning that my marriage was not designed for me to be happy. Yes happiness can be a by product of marriage. But that is not the original design for marriage. 

This book is filled with examples of couples who had been going about marriage (and in some cases divorce) the wrong way. They'd been consumed with themselves and what made them happy. Yet they either forgot or were completely unaware of the fact that happiness is fleeting and that is not marriage's purpose. That is not our spouses purpose. We cannot burden our spouses with the task of making us happy all the time. Our joy must come from the Lord and when that happens we become content to let marriage be what God designed it to be.

A really good example of this is Hosea in the bible. Hosea was instructed to marry a harlot (a prostitute) who would give birth to children that may not have even been Hosea's children. Yet God had a purpose in this. He wanted to use marriage, specifically Hosea's marriage, to demonstrate His purpose for marriage. God wanted to show that there needs to be constant forgiveness and not human forgiveness but Godly forgiveness. God wanted to show His relationship with the people and how before we get married to our earthly spouses we have a heavenly spouse. And in our submission & obedience & loving to our earthly spouse, we are essentially doing that unto our heavenly spouse. The same goes for the message Paul gives us in Ephesians 5.

Gary Thomas seeks to give this knowledge to the believer. To live out marriage the way God intended for it to be. To stop being prideful and selfish in our marriages. To allow God to use our marriages to make us holy before Him.

 As a wife one of the things my husband is charged to do is to "that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word,  that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish." (Eph. 5:26-27 NKJV) And in response my job is to submit and allow him to do so. No matter how hard that may be or how hard my flesh wants to fight. (And trust me my flesh has been and is fighting.)

That is what I have been learning from this book.

FYI: I received this book as a member of BooklookBloggers for free in exchange for my honest opinion. 

Life's Little Glitches

Life has it's little glitches. Things we have no control over or so we think.

My life has experienced many of these little glitches. At the moment, I cannot speak on them extensively, however I can say that my marriage has suffered and is now in recovery & restoration mode. Thankfully we have recently joined a new church where we are getting the love & support we need.

One thing I will share with other married couples is to trust God and let your marriage look like Christ, don't worry about this world. Even more than that stay prayed up, because many times the things you think will never happen actually does and if you aren't embedded in God, the hurt & disappointment & anger can take you out.

Thankfully no one is sick anymore! Yipee! We spent nearly the entire winter battling the cold virus, pink eye, ear infections, strep throat, and the flu.

Coming up on the blog is a book review of Spiritually Strong by Kristen Feola. As well as weekly updates on my Facebook bible study group's new 12-week book study: Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World by Joanna Weaver. The study starts on April 20th. You can follow along, just get a copy of the book which has the study guide in the appendix to the book.

I am also on the Launch team for Joanna Weaver's new DVD study for Lazarus Awakening, which I plan to do a group study for when it is released!

Until next time, stay embedded in God. Stay in the Word of God.

-Kris

I do....From this day forward

Are you married? 

Do plan to be married one day (if you are single).

What do you think contributes to high, 50%, divorce rate among those in the U.S.? 

Personally I think the high divorce rate is because people in the last 50-75 years or so have become super-lazy. They want their marriages to be like a hot pocket or like a Subway sandwich made to be exactly how they or they give it back or throw it away. People these days seem to only want marriage when it is easy. They don't want to get down in the trenches to put in the work to make the marriage work.

From This Day Forward: Five Commitments to Fail-Proof Your Marriage By Craig & Amy Groeschel explains five commitments that Christian couples can make to strengthen their marriage to lengthen their marriage and glorify God with their marriage.

 As a married woman with children. This is a book that I can and do appreciate.

The five commitments are: 

Seek God (We seek God in prayer. We need to pray regularly and consistently. All day every day! We need to pray alone at times AND we definitely need to pray together. It is intimate to pray for and with your spouse, knowing their needs from their lips.)

Fight fair (Many times in marriage, we argue to hurt not to solve problems. We lash out in anger and we want our spouses to hurt like we hurt or to prove a point to our spouse. It is not about who is right or who is wrong, when your marriage falls apart.)

Have fun (Many times we have forgotten to laugh. To take the time to have fun in marriage. I'll be honest there are times when I am in a funk and my husband coming to play with me changes my entire mood.)

Stay pure (Keep your mind and heart pure. Don't be out there lusting after people, don't be out there looking at pornography. Regardless to what anyone says, pornography DOES hurt your marriage and your spouse. Adultery starts in the heart, so nip it in the bud before it starts. Keep your heart on pure things. Meditate on Philippians 4:8)

Never give up (This is crucial. Just because you argue, does not mean you give up. Just because your feelings got hurt does not mean you give up. The only cause Jesus allows, spoken of in the bible, couples to divorce is adultery. There are some couples who have remained married and worked out their issues in spite of adultery. See Tina and Teddy Campbell of Mary Mary.)

The goal of this book is to aid married couples and singles alike. For singles and those who are engaged this is a preparation book to aid in their future marriages. For marrieds this book intends to aid them in their marriages, in not giving up or allowing their marriages to crumble. 

So whether you're single, engaged or married you need to read this book.

Kris

{FYI: I received this book through the Booklookblogger's program in exchange for my HONEST review.}



(The Ultimate Healthy Living Bundle is back for a limited time! Get yours here)

Communication at its Best

This morning I read an article on HappyWivesClub and I was quite surprised and yet not surprised in what I read.

Fawn Weaver reminds the reader of the age old saying that arguing is normal that all couples argue at some point and that to a degree arguing is healthy for a relationship. Something I think everyone has heard. But then she quotes something Rosie O'Donnell said on Oprah a while back in which Rosie said she wished she would have expressed her feelings versus getting angry and snapping off (in a situation with Barbara Walters). Rosie states that had she just reacted exactly how she felt, then the outcome of that situation would have probably been quite different.

Fawn then relates this to marriage in how most people do the same thing Rosie did which is to snap out in anger when they're hurt or offended.

So then I began to reflect on different arguments or "heated discussions" that I've had in my marriage and I can definitely agree. There have been several times that I have been hurt by something my husband said and instead of addressing my hurt feelings, I have snapped out in anger, which in hindsight did absolutely nothing to address my hurt feelings but did start an unnecessary argument. And I can honestly say the same has happened with my husband and its after the fact, after we've argued and further compounded the situation that we speak on the underlying feelings, on how an action made us feel & why we snapped. 

I wonder how much different the landscape and atmosphere in our marriage would be if instead of getting angry/yelling/snapping, we just addressed our actual feelings. No anger, no animosity just plain and simple, "this is how __ made me feel."

I challenge all of my readers to make this change, instead of getting angry and lashing out that you address your feelings. Now here's the side effect: it will make you face your vulnerability.

When you address your feelings instead of allowing anger to surface, you allow your vulnerability to surface. In marriage this can be crucial, to allow your husband/wife a look inside your feelings, inside your heart. To let them see what really affects you.


Remember love keeps no record of wrong doing, love covers a multitude of sin. We can start by being slow to anger and quick to address what has offended us in a respectful manner that gets across our "feelings" but does not point blame or offends. I read recently (somewhere on Facebook) that when you criticize a behavior be very careful to criticize the person.




We do better, when we know better.
~Kris

Women of Influence......end of the study

Today is Friday and the last day of this Women of Influence mini-study.

A couple of different verses that we've read come to mind:

or if you remain silent at this time, relief and deliverance for the Jews will arise from another place, but you and your father’s family will perish. And who knows but that you have come to your royal position for such a time as this? (Esther 4:14)

Esther had this amazing story. She went from being a commoner in Persia to being the wife of the King of Persia, a Queen. Then came the threat to the Jewish people of being annihilated due to Haman's trickery & evilness. This particular verse is when Esther is asked to take a stand and approach the King on this topic. This was such a big thing to ask of her because of the rules of engagement: if she went before the King without being summoned she could be killed if he was not pleased. Yet the entire situation was not about Esther herself but about her trusting God to take care of her and the Jewish people. Moredecai reminded Esther that God could have placed her in her royal position of Queen to be able to influence the King in a godly manner. 

I am reminded of your sincere faith, which first lived in your grandmother Lois and in your mother Eunice and, I am persuaded, now lives in you also. (2 Timothy 1:5)

As women of influence its our job to pass on our faith to our children. Even if you do not have children, you can become a mentor to other children (i.e. big brother big sister programs) to pass along your faith to them. For me as a mom its my job to pass along my faith in God to my children. Thus why we read the bible every morning and pray together 2-3 times a day. We have Q&A sessions after reading since I know my oldest has such an inquisitive mind. The goal is to teach them about God so they will want to have their own relationship with Him.

She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue. (Proverbs 31:26)

This is probably the hardest verse to live by because its so easy to run off at the mouth. I think many women struggle with. When you're married this is doubled because women seem to have this innate thing to reject marital authority and submission. We are good for "going off" on our husbands and being hardheaded yet we don't experience marital bliss until we tame our tongues to speak wisdom and hate contention. As a wife this is one of the best things I can give to my marriage and family, to tame my tongue, speaking with wisdom & having faithful instruction on my tongue. This will happen when I, we, submit to God's authority which will enable us to submit to our husband's authority as head of the family.

These verses all are little nuggets to help women become more godly influences to those around them. 

Walk and Live as a Women of Influence. Trust God, submit to God, and be the godly influence your family needs!

~Kris

(FYI: "Why Easter Matters" study begins on Monday 3/31, you are welcome to join us on Facebook. Just comment that you are interested and I will post the link to the group)

Women of Influence

Women of Influence is a mini-study that is two weeks long and seeks to encourage us in our walk as women of influence. Even if you are unaware of it, you are a woman of influence. Each and every day you have some influence over someone.

 I personally influence my children and husband on a daily basis with my words and actions. And because of this, I must be careful to guard my spirit against any impurities so that I do not influence them in a negative way. This is an on going thing, you won't get it right once and that's it. Nope it's a daily dying to self so that you can be a godly influence in the lives of those around you.

Today's passage is: Titus 2::3-5

 Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine,but to teach what is good. 4 Then they can urge the younger women to love their husbands and children, 5 to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God. (NIV)

This is one of those passages I need tied around my wrists and fastened to my forehead. Why? Because I fill both of those roles. For some I am that woman of influence who is to teach and encourage, to be an example of what a woman of influence looks like. And yet I am still a young wife and mom who has to be self-controlled and pure, to be submissive to my husband and humble. It's hard to be that person, but its definitely worth it.

It's easy to snap and be angry, to follow our emotions. It's hard to practice self-control and patience.

It's easy to point out your husband's mistakes, to try to usurp control. It's hard to praise his good and let love  cover the mistakes and submit to the authority given to him by God.

It is so easy to gossip and do what everyone else does. It's hard to mind your own business and put out love, to pray for those that others gossip about.

Choose what is hard for you now but is in your best interests and pleases God.

Ladies, I am NOT perfect. I will be honest just yesterday I allowed my emotions to lead me into being disrespectful and being offended. It's hard to rein in those emotions because those emotions tell us we're right, especially when we are wrong. But today I am thankful for a husband that puts on love. Today I am thankful for another chance to get it right and rein in these emotions (and the additional pregnancy hormones). 

So this is my charge to you, I am not telling you anything that I myself am not learning and everyday going to God for help with. Die to yourself and take up the mantle as a Titus 2 woman. You may be the seasoned woman who can help and counsel the younger woman, or you may be the younger woman who is seeking godly counsel. Or you may be like me a mixture of both and fighting to stay on track. Not just for myself but for those who I influence (whether intentional or not).

God LOVES you. Grab on to it and put it on EVERYDAY.

~Kris

Intentionally Focused week 3 AND week 4 sum up

Whew!! So who would've thought that I would forget to do the week 3 sum up? lol! Mama's been busy with the kids and thoroughly enjoying the study, on top of that early contractions with swiss miss in the oven.

So one thing I can definitely say about week 3 is Paul delivers instruction and encouragement well. Much of what we read about being intentionally focused in our mind was written by Paul. And I enjoyed it. It was and still is a great reminder to keep our minds focused on Christ. In today's world it is so easy to get caught up in everything else, from TV to computers/smartphones. Our goals tend to get caught up in the things of this world (jobs, material possessions, relationships). And we need to take the time to get caught up in Jesus and what is important to HIM. This starts with being focused not only in our minds but also in our hearts. This is a day and age of busyness and loads of stimuli. Much more than our grandparents dealt with. Two passages that really spoke to me are: 

We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. (2 Corinthians 10:5)

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. (Philippians 4:8)

What I love about these verses is the simplicity. They are easy to understand and require us to do something on our part. It requires me to do more than read or pray but to take hold of my mind.

Then there is week 4, being intentionally focused in our marriages! I know some of you are not married and so I say to you look at week 4 as preparation for the future. You may have a married friend come to you for advice. You may get married. It's best to be prepared beforehand then to have to wing it & learn as you go. I had to wing it, which is why I study so much  on marriage & family life because its what I live and a very integral part of my life. We often times do not realize just how applicable the bible really is. The Fall (Genesis 3) explains SO much of what we go through and the challenges we face. Especially as women because many of us have major control issues and guess what it was one of the curses pronounced over Eve. Men sometimes complain about having to work so hard but guess what that was one of the curse pronounced over Adam. It's not to brush it off but to say understand that this is apart of the flesh's many issues and thus we must work overtime against it.

When the woman saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye, and also desirable for gaining wisdom, she took some and ate it. She also gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate it. (Genesis 3:6)

Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine,but to teach what is good. 4 Then they can urge the younger women to love their husbands and children, 5 to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God. (Titus 2:3-5)

These passages remind me of the influence we have as women, as wives. It is not something to be taken lightly as what we do influences what our husbands do, it influences what younger women/wives do. We MUST be mindful of the choices we make as they will affect more than just us. Eve reminds me of this as her choice to disregard God's command prompted Adam to do the same thing (in the back of my head, I always wonder why didn't Adam stop her?). In Titus, Paul reminds us that we are examples to others. How we live our lives is a example to someone else on what they should do and thus we need to live as such.

So this is my wrap up!! If you're following along or would like to follow along, leave me a comment. This week we are studying being focused in our friendships.

~Kris

Making it Last pt II

I posted the question: What is your advice on staying married?

This what people have had to say from around the web..... 



Keeping God first. Humble self. Seek to please the other person- Kesha from Twitter

Stay loyal, strong, and faithful to your other half. Never give up, always pray and have God guide you. - Antonio from Facebook

God as your foundation everything else will fall into place. Listen, love each other in the good and bad times support each other, encourage each other, pray together. The list goes on all things positive all will be well.- Tiffany from Facebook

Pray together. Be careful who you seek advice/help from.- Christina from Facebook 

You can't speak to a single person about married situations and you can't speak and seek advice from someone who has never been in a respectful and loving relationship. -Alfreda from Facebook

 Remember that a marriage is a partnership and in order for that partnership to be successful you must be together on everything.... - Peyton from Facebook

Put God first. Be committed to each other in every way. Don't let a bunch of people in your marriage. Pray together daily. Know when to talk and when to hear your mate. Don't go to bed angry. -Don from Facebook

Making it Last

Recently I read a post on Instagram and a young lady mentioned how many are concerned with getting married and helping young women get married yet not many are helping women with staying married.

She made me think about the different blogs and articles I've read over the years and honestly she's right. Entirely too many are telling women what they need to do in order to get their man to get married yet where is the accurate, spiritual advice on how to stay married, on how to keep your marriage alive, on pleasing our husbands.

So I decided to take what I've learned in the 3 1/2 years I've been married and put it out there along with advice from those who have been married much longer than I have.

Things I have learned in my marriage:

• GOD needs to be the foundation of your marriage. HE needs to be actively involved in your marriage.
• You will not always be right. Learn to take responsibility quickly when you are wrong.
• Learn your husband. Continue to learn about him. He will change and evolve...so will his likes & dislikes.
• Accept change. I promise change will come and it will not always be to your liking.
• Accept your husband's leadership. Step back and give him the room to lead you & your family.
• Marriage is not about you...it is not to glorify you. Marriage is ultimately about GOD. 
• Submit. Submit. Submit. It is not easy but it is worth it.

These are a few nuggets. Do I have them all mastered?? No. Are you expected to master them all? No. Why? Because we are human, we make mistakes. The point is to take responsibility and learn from them.

So what is your advice on staying married??

~Look forward to hearing from you.

Kris

Don't ever get too comfortable

In life we get comfortable and its bound to happen especially when we get used to a person or situation.

I recently realized that usually we tend to get comfortable with our relationships and as such we will unknowingly take advantage of our loved ones. I think this is especially true in marriage as we see our spouse day in and day out so its VERY easy to get comfortable. We get into a rhythm of life and we just expect for things to happen without realizing that everything our spouses do for us (and vice versa) is a CHOICE. They don't have to do a thing yet many make it their obligation to take care of us and provide for us.

Recently I was out to eat with my husband and children, while we were waiting for our food I realized that I seriously take for granted what he does. Here's the stickler sometimes looking at others is not good but sometimes its just what we need to pull us out of our comfort zone.

I looked around me, at different relationships I saw and what I saw made me heavily appreciate my husband. Now mind you, I'm not saying he's perfect or he always gets it right. But what I am saying is that I appreciate his hard work and work ethic because I see women who MUST work to provide for their families because their husbands don't. I appreciate his faithfulness because I can say without any doubt, Chris Bush will NOT EVER cheat on me (His fear of God outweighs any and every thing). I'm fairly certain that he's often met with temptation however I trust that God dwells within him and will steer him away from it. I appreciate the fact that my husband doesn't hang in the streets and is a man of his word. 

I realize that he does not have to work hard to provide for us and ensure that I can stay home with our children. He does not have to remain faithful to me as I am well aware of society and the generation we were born in. I look at how he pushes me and how he strives for greatness. I look at how giving he is of his time to me and our children. I adore the fact that he prays with our children, something I don't see from a lot of men I know. It's not rag on them but I see it as something else to appreciate from the man I married.

( Sketch by Alexandra Vo, you can check her out here)

So the point of this whole post is to say don't get too comfortable that you miss out on all the greatness that you have in your loved ones, especially your husband!

~Kris

Women Living Well

Ever have that one blog you enjoy? Well I happen to enjoy Women Living Well and Good Morning Girls, the founder of both blogs, Courtney Joesph has written a BOOK! And it launched YESTERDAY!!!! You can order it on Thomas Nelson website or find it at your favorite bookstore!

 

The book is entitled Women Living Well and its about just THAT. It's geared towards women who want to live, who may need direction in different areas in their lives. I personally have enjoyed this book as a member of the book launch team. 

One of the things that I have gleaned from reading this book has been that it is more than important to take time for self because if I burn out how can I be of help to my husband. Another thing that I have gleaned is how important it is to respect my husband but also the ways that disrespect comes across. I also love that Courtney addresses motherhood in such a way that it does not make mothers feel guilty for their own specific way in raising their children but she gently encourages us to manage our homes without becoming an iron fist and to customize our homes to our specific family members. What may work for my home may not work for the next person. For example, it works best for my family that I don't work although to help out with our current savings plan I do work part-time and only on days that my husband does not work because our children are fully homeschooled.

I like that much of what Courtney blogs about is in her book. Its not as if she deviated from her fan base and what we regularly read on her blog. A great extra that is in Women Living Well is the Completing Him Marriage Challenge, it is a 2 week challenge (5 days per week). It's goal is to help us wives gain a better relationship with our husbands.
The book is sectioned off into four different parts (Your walk with the King, Your marriage, Your parenting, and Your Homemaking) with each section having about 3 chapters within it. I don't really have a favorite portion of the book as each section has very applicable information and I guess its even more so applicable because my home life is set up very similar as Courtney does not work outside of the home, I've only done it for the last 3 months and I will soon stop working outside of the home. I have also enjoyed the companion study guide that Courtney created to go along with the book as the questions reenforces what I've read.

I recommend this book to EVERY wife. It should be apart of your arsenal of books that help you as a wife, mom, and woman to personally grow.

I personally do not have a giveaway going HOWEVER here are a list of blogs who does:
http://www.irisparr.com/2013/09/women-living-well-review-and-giveaway.html 
http://www.sara.rrusselljr.com/women-living-well-a-review-and-a-giveaway 
http://www.jenifermetzger.org/2013/10/women-living-well-giveaway.html 
http://cacinance.blogspot.com/2013/10/giveaway-part-1-your-walk-with-king.html 
http://beechembrightspots.blogspot.com/2013/10/women-living-well-giveaway.html 
http://www.destinationproverbs22six.blogspot.com/2013/10/women-living-well-review-and-giveaway.html 
 

{FYI: I received this book for being a member of the Women Living Well Book Launch Team and as a member of the Booksneeze prgram through Thomas Nelson (the publisher)!}

When's its time to ask for forgiveness

Today is one of those days when I will sit before you in my transparency. 

Have you ever realized when you are in the wrong, and you are so convicted that it stirs you to action? Well I've had a day like that. 

You see, I've been reading Women Living Well by Courtney Joesph and in part II of this book Courtney addresses marriage. And whoa! Talk about conviction, its one thing for my husband to tell me my behavior is one way its another thing for another woman to say that certain behaviors that women are good for is disrespectful. Then not only is it disrespectful to our husbands, its disobedient to God since we are told, Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband (Ephesians 5:33 NKJV).

Now here's the stickler, I've blogged on this topic before! I've addressed that in marriage its extremely important that for both the husband and the wife to be happy, the husband needs respect and the wife needs love. Neither can be earned but must be given. 

So how is it that I screw this one up? Well try having a person who understands the concept of respect but never really understood what disrespect looked like....until today.

And boy was I ashamed! Courtney outlines what disrespect looks like coming from a woman, and I have to admit that I am guilty of ALL of it. Disheartening right?

I can admit, that my body language many times has been disrespectful, my tone of voice has been disrespectful, even how I treat him in bed has been disrespectful. So now I see that I've been disrespectful and I've got quite a lot of making up to do. Now I go on to read that I am in disobedience to God as this is what is commanded of us, encouraged as godly behavior. So now I am in debt to God and my husband. My number 1 and 2 priority. 

She made me realize that every time I had an attitude was disrespect, every eye roll is disrespect, every time I did not adhere to his leading was disrespect...and it hurt to realize that I have indeed been disrespectful when I thought otherwise.

Disrespect is a sign of a lack of faith in God and disobedience to God. When I have full faith in God and am in full obedience to Him, there will be harmony in every other area of life including my marriage.

So today marks a new journey, a path of repentance and hopefully forgiveness...and start to a refreshed marriage. However only time will tell and I trust God for the best.

Join me on this walk, purchase (pre-order) your copy of Women Living Well by Courtney Joesph here!

 

Journey with me! Comment below with your experience in this area

~ Kris