Communication at its Best

This morning I read an article on HappyWivesClub and I was quite surprised and yet not surprised in what I read.

Fawn Weaver reminds the reader of the age old saying that arguing is normal that all couples argue at some point and that to a degree arguing is healthy for a relationship. Something I think everyone has heard. But then she quotes something Rosie O'Donnell said on Oprah a while back in which Rosie said she wished she would have expressed her feelings versus getting angry and snapping off (in a situation with Barbara Walters). Rosie states that had she just reacted exactly how she felt, then the outcome of that situation would have probably been quite different.
Fawn then relates this to marriage in how most people do the same thing Rosie did which is to snap out in anger when they're hurt or offended.

So then I began to reflect on different arguments or "heated discussions" that I've had in my marriage and I can definitely agree. There have been several times that I have been hurt by something my husband said and instead of addressing my hurt feelings, I have snapped out in anger, which in hindsight did absolutely nothing to address my hurt feelings but did start an unnecessary argument. And I can honestly say the same has happened with my husband and its after the fact, after we've argued and further compounded the situation that we speak on the underlying feelings, on how an action made us feel & why we snapped. 
I wonder how much different the landscape and atmosphere in our marriage would be if instead of getting angry/yelling/snapping, we just addressed our actual feelings. No anger, no animosity just plain and simple, "this is how __ made me feel."


I challenge all of my readers to make this change, instead of getting angry and lashing out that you address your feelings. Now here's the side effect: it will make you face your vulnerability.
When you address your feelings instead of allowing anger to surface, you allow your vulnerability to surface. In marriage this can be crucial, to allow your husband/wife a look inside your feelings, inside your heart. To let them see what really affects you.


Remember love keeps no record of wrong doing, love covers a multitude of sin. We can start by being slow to anger and quick to address what has offended us in a respectful manner that gets across our "feelings" but does not point blame or offends. I read recently (somewhere on Facebook) that when you criticize a behavior be very careful to criticize the person.




We do better, when we know better.
~Kris

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