Saturday, September 29, 2012

About this married life...

My life for the last two years has been very enlightening. I'm married and thus had to stop thinking "me, me, me"and start thinking "us, us, us." And that can be easy at times and hard at other times. Marriage is a mirror. Your spouse will show you every thing in you that does not work for your marriage. If you tend to jump to conclusions too much, guess what? Your marriage will amplify that. If you are insecure, your marriage will amplify that too. So when you get married, enjoy your wedding and reception then after the honeymoon get ready to work.

When I got married, I did NOT know all of this. Honestly I didn't even have prep time. LOL. We discussed marriage and that it definitely was on the table for us. We were literally in an actual relationship/courtship for 2 WEEKS before we got married. What most people find out in the first year of courting (for worldly folk: dating) I found out during the course of my marriage. I had straight on the job training. LOL. Everything I learned about being married, I learned while being married. Thankfully I had paid attention to my mom and knew to continuously read. I didn't know what it was actually like to submit. I knew of the concept of submission in marriage but not the actual practice. Let me be real, I come from a family of straight INDEPENDENT women, women who actually feel they will not depend on a man, husband or not. So yes! I had major struggles in being comfortable depending on my husband and allowing him to take care of me in peace. And after two years I can actually say, I am comfortable being dependent on my husband. At first I used to get major backlash for not working and depending on my husband. BUT guess what I'd rather be dependent on my husband than anyone else. Chris Bush is the EPITOME of keeping his word. If Chris say he's going to do something, I can bet my last dollar he will do it.
I'm yet still working on the concept of submission in marriage. I'm still learning that submission goes further than my outwardly action, its a mental thing too. I have to know and be comfortable allowing my husband to have the final say IN PEACE. Not have the final say after I've complained and grumbled about it, but in peace meaning I accept his decision like I accepted his marriage proposal. I will not lie and say I am always like this. What I will say is that I am striving to be there. I'd like to think I've grown in that department but you'd have to ask Mr. Bush about that one.

 Many times people on the outside see the united front and think "ah that's a piece of cake, I can't wait until I get married." Then they actually get married and realize how much work goes into being married. At one point, I was that girl. I thought it would be easy to be married. HA! I was SO wrong. It can be easy. But when you have pride and ego, it becomes a challenge to realize the bigger picture and that it is no longer just about you. I learned to actually ASK Chris rather than assume. Even more so, I've realized that my marriage takes work and that I do not and will not entertain even the thought of a divorce. So I roll up sleeves and self evaluate and put in work. I've also learned what being a wife is really about.

Being a wife is more than the ring, the bling, and the title. Doesn't matter who you marry, you will work. And if you don't, your marriage will suffer. Being a wife is about being your husband's HELP-MEET  What is a help-meet  It's the person who meets him to help, literally. As his wife you help in any way you can. If its cooking, then cook. If its making sure his clothes are clean and ironed, then wash and set up your ironing board. For me being my husband's help-meet is taking care of everything pertaining to our house and children. My husband likes to know his children are taken care of and his house is taken care of. He'll make sure the bills are paid. {His words, not mine}

The point is to figure out what works for you, your husband, and your marriage. It is cool to admire another's marriage but don't get caught up. I remember a time when we were going through and I looked at other marriages and thought if only Chris was like this or like that. Then I realized Chris will only be Chris and that's why I married him. Chris won't never ever be like the next man and I am so thankful for that. LBVS. 

So you sure you ready for this married life?

~Kris Bush

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