I decided to revisit the topic of submission. I chose to revisit this topic because when most people especially women address this topic to their followers/friends on facebook they don't go beyond the surface.
Yes you inform women that it is in our wifely duties to be submissive. However most women are not raised with the awareness that this is the way of marital bliss. So you need to introduce this topic and also introduce everyone else in the family's duties.
So the wife is to submit, 'Wives submit to your husbands as to the Lord' (Eph 5:22).
Now we read further that the husband has more: 'Husbands, love your wives just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.' (Eph 5:25).
Paul goes further on to say Husbands are to love their wives as they love themselves (5:28).
When you give this set of scripture, not separate from each other to the woman to read, you give her hope and reason to want to submit to her husband. Because not only is this right in God's sight, this is beneficial to her. Women who are truly loved by their husbands will have no problem submitting to their husband. They will know he is worthy of their submission.
Submission is an attitude. It's how you approach every situation in your life. When you are in situations do you take into account your husband and his views. When you make decisions are they made by you yourself, or you & your husband together. Are you willing to defer to his judgment and trust that he will make the best decision for your family?
The generation I am apart of did not grow up with the teaching of being a wife. Many of were not even taught how to take care of our homes, let alone take care of our husbands and children. So when you want to teach our generation something, and you want us to take it to heart you have to break it down to us. You need to give us the scriptural backing and let us know that it is NOT one-sided. That we will not give our all, and be left hanging.
I, thankfully, had a mom who ensured that I could take care of my home and that I could be an effective mother. However I didn't quite learn how to be a wife, I got on the job training. And I've made quite a few mistakes, that I'm still learning from, some I still suffer repercussions from. And this is to show that no one is perfect. Some people just might have being a wife down pact before they even become one. Others had to learn and had the will to learn after becoming a wife. It doesn't make us any less, it just gives us a little more experience to explain from. I've bumped my head in my wifely duties so many times, I used to wonder why was I still married. However my husband said, I can't expect you to be the perfect wife and you were never taught how to be a wife. So he's still here, helping me learn along the way and being patient with me.
Marriage is something you learn as you grow. You can learn as much as possible beforehand. However a lot of it is on the job training. It's learning your spouse, their likes and dislikes. It's the staying when they need your patience. It's the forgiving and forgetting every transgression. It's the loving each other every day like its your last.
Kris
Thursday, February 16, 2012
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Marriage & the People.
Marriage is an institution given to us and ordained by God. We as people consistently take vows of that institution binding ourselves to another person. And then when we have questions regarding our marriage or marriage in general, we go to people for answers. Instead we need to divert those questions to God so that we may receive divine answers.
The question of how many times you may be married is a tough question. Think about it. We read in the Bible that divorce is prohibited except cases of adultery. And I'm guessing now and days you add into that domestic abuse. However our generation is willing to divorce over anything. Oh, we don't get along or he's broke are some reasons. Then you have those same people who got divorced over something minor, go remarry and repeat the process. At what point do we tell that person, look you doing too much. You don't need a spouse, you need GOD. At what point do we sit that person down and tell them to reevaluate themselves. At what point do we stop a mess from making someone else a mess.
Hurt people, hurt people. And many times a person will see another person hurting and try to play hero. But instead of helping them heal, they become hurt themselves.
That's why we have God to answer questions as such. Because even though I am married, I do not have all the answers. I am still figuring out this road of life as we speak. My questions I direct to God during prayer because no one else can answer about my marriage. No one else knows God's plan so they can't answer truthfully, they can only give an opinion.
I ask anyone who is considering marriage to really decide if you WANT to be married. Don't think about the wedding because that is not the marriage, its just the ceremony. Do you want to actually be held accountable? Are you willing to give up the Is for We/Us? Are you willing to adopt God's forgiveness (Forgive AND Forget)? Are you willing to understand that the the past has no place in the present/future? Are you willing to see your future spouse for who they are today and not who they were before you? Are you willing to invite God into your marriage to be the glue, the tie, the guidance in your marriage?
The question of how many times you may be married is a tough question. Think about it. We read in the Bible that divorce is prohibited except cases of adultery. And I'm guessing now and days you add into that domestic abuse. However our generation is willing to divorce over anything. Oh, we don't get along or he's broke are some reasons. Then you have those same people who got divorced over something minor, go remarry and repeat the process. At what point do we tell that person, look you doing too much. You don't need a spouse, you need GOD. At what point do we sit that person down and tell them to reevaluate themselves. At what point do we stop a mess from making someone else a mess.
Hurt people, hurt people. And many times a person will see another person hurting and try to play hero. But instead of helping them heal, they become hurt themselves.
That's why we have God to answer questions as such. Because even though I am married, I do not have all the answers. I am still figuring out this road of life as we speak. My questions I direct to God during prayer because no one else can answer about my marriage. No one else knows God's plan so they can't answer truthfully, they can only give an opinion.
I ask anyone who is considering marriage to really decide if you WANT to be married. Don't think about the wedding because that is not the marriage, its just the ceremony. Do you want to actually be held accountable? Are you willing to give up the Is for We/Us? Are you willing to adopt God's forgiveness (Forgive AND Forget)? Are you willing to understand that the the past has no place in the present/future? Are you willing to see your future spouse for who they are today and not who they were before you? Are you willing to invite God into your marriage to be the glue, the tie, the guidance in your marriage?
Saturday, February 11, 2012
True forgiveness
When a person apologizes for their behavior, how do you forgive?
Are you one of those people who say I forgive you but I won't forget what you did? If so be forewarned that you aren't truly forgiving that person. If you bring up q person's past mistakes, EVERY time you argue then please understand that you NEVER forgave them. You simply pacified the situation.
To truly forgive is to actually forget. You accept the apology & you leave the incident in the past where it belongs. You don't bring it up every chance you get and you certainly don't use it to guilt trip.
Think about forgiveness the way you want to be forgiven by God. When you repent for your sins, I'm sure you want God to forgive you & never hold it against you. I'm sure when God forgives us, He doesn't consistently bring up our past mistakes & failures afterwards. He wipes the slate clean & forgets your mistake.
That is how we as people need to forgive.
Remember Jesus said the measure you use to judge is how you will be judged. That applies to mercy & forgiveness. That's why it's said forgive that you may be forgiven.
You can fake forgiveness but God will know & will hold you to that.
Are you one of those people who say I forgive you but I won't forget what you did? If so be forewarned that you aren't truly forgiving that person. If you bring up q person's past mistakes, EVERY time you argue then please understand that you NEVER forgave them. You simply pacified the situation.
To truly forgive is to actually forget. You accept the apology & you leave the incident in the past where it belongs. You don't bring it up every chance you get and you certainly don't use it to guilt trip.
Think about forgiveness the way you want to be forgiven by God. When you repent for your sins, I'm sure you want God to forgive you & never hold it against you. I'm sure when God forgives us, He doesn't consistently bring up our past mistakes & failures afterwards. He wipes the slate clean & forgets your mistake.
That is how we as people need to forgive.
Remember Jesus said the measure you use to judge is how you will be judged. That applies to mercy & forgiveness. That's why it's said forgive that you may be forgiven.
You can fake forgiveness but God will know & will hold you to that.
Friday, February 10, 2012
My Life
I've read and heard about people's life story. And I noticed I'm not like them. I'm unique.
I came from odd beginnings, if that's even an accurate way to describe it. My father had unconventional means of providing for our family. I can never vouch for the reasons behind my father's actions. All I can say is that as a child I didn't want for anything. Then everything changed my dad went to prison when I was in 6th grade and remained there for 11 and a half years. However I'll never look ill upon my dad.
In high school, I excelled in my studies and in music. I've learned to play so many different instruments. My first instrument was a violin, I learned in 4th grade. In high school I started the clarinet, then I picked up the saxophone, trumpet, snare drums, trumpet, and piano. My mother placed me in dance school, so I was classically trained in ballet and tap for about 5 years. I love swimming and track. I actually enjoy classical and contemporary jazz music. (On top of gospel music & some r&b.) In high school I was the new kid, no one knew me, whereas majority of my classmates had known each other for years. Eventually I started fitting in, and I had a few friends I still consider friends to this very day. I had my first boyfriend at 16 and my first few dates were parent chaperoned. My second at 17. And my third at 18. These were the major boyfriends of high school. I thought I was in love with each of them, when really I was infatuated.
By college I had started going through randoms. I had a couple randoms (guys I knew I'd never marry yet still dated) I dated on & off for years. (You want to cut those off immediately when you recognize that they are a random.) These guys were persistent pests. Literally. I was a mess. Not knowing exactly what I wanted or anything. I didn't particularly take my relationship with God seriously like I should have. It wasn't until I was tired of being hurt and tired of being taken advantage of that I got focused on just God, me & my daughter. And when I shut everyone else out, that's when I finally met my husband. And he'd been under my nose for YEARS. From him living in the same neighborhood as my step-mom to us having some of the same skate friends. And I'm glad I met him when I did, I wouldn't have been ready if we met earlier on. By the time we met, I was ready to settle down and be committed to just one person.
See most people say they had long courting periods during which they were in a changing process with God. They have this long and extremely inspirational story behind their marriage. However my marriage is different & unique. I met my husband about 2 months before we ever even looked at each other in a romantic light. When we finally did get together. We went out, as friends, to a movie and early dinner. And initially we were content to just be friends, seeing as we were both focused on other things. However we started hanging out, skating together just getting to know each other as friends. Then we bought a car together, both of us used it for work.
And I remember one day he took me over his god-mother's house to meet her and his sisters. And the one question everyone seemed interested in was, 'what is our status'. I answered honestly. I figured we were just friends but I knew we had deeper feelings. So his mom told him, he'd better say something before someone else came along and wooed his future wife. And after that my husband told me, he had an idea that I was his wife, he just wanted to be sure. He made the promise that we'd be married before the summer was out. Well we ended up married within 2 weeks. I do know He is my God given husband. I saw him before I'd ever even met him. (And I'm talking, YEARS before.) Just as he knows I am his God given wife, something God confirmed to him. I love that we are on the same wave length with our faith. We have shared goals in life. His faith is one of the main things to attract me to him. The fact that he was & still is so bold about his love for God. And is willing to share that with any and every one.
When we got married, we shocked just about EVERYONE. Only people that wasn't shocked was our mothers1. Some people said we were too young (I was 22, he was 23). Others said we needed more time to get to know each other. However we were happy with our decision. Now mind you that was nearly two years ago. We've had our shares of bad days, our storms to endure together. And we are still learning each other. We don't regret getting married. We are just still in the learning stage, some days we are in the honeymoon phase. Other days we can remind you of a couple that's been married for 20 years.
We both have baggage we are trying to remove and layers to peel back but the major the plus is that we are willing to do so together. (Almost every person comes with some baggage, the question is how much & are you willing to help them get rid of it.)
We've had a son since being married, his birthday is 3 days after our anniversary. He's adopting our oldest so that she is legally his daughter and we are HAPPY.
The point is to figure out your path. Everyone's path isn't the same.
This our story. Its different from most people's story. (Only person's story who could possibly be similar is Khloe & Lamar Odom, at least that I know of.)
I decided to tell my life because its different. I don't regret anything about my life because each experience has made me who I am today. And some of it has helped others to avoid or to cope with similar pain.
It's OK to be different. It's expected of you. Just be in God's Will.
I came from odd beginnings, if that's even an accurate way to describe it. My father had unconventional means of providing for our family. I can never vouch for the reasons behind my father's actions. All I can say is that as a child I didn't want for anything. Then everything changed my dad went to prison when I was in 6th grade and remained there for 11 and a half years. However I'll never look ill upon my dad.
In high school, I excelled in my studies and in music. I've learned to play so many different instruments. My first instrument was a violin, I learned in 4th grade. In high school I started the clarinet, then I picked up the saxophone, trumpet, snare drums, trumpet, and piano. My mother placed me in dance school, so I was classically trained in ballet and tap for about 5 years. I love swimming and track. I actually enjoy classical and contemporary jazz music. (On top of gospel music & some r&b.) In high school I was the new kid, no one knew me, whereas majority of my classmates had known each other for years. Eventually I started fitting in, and I had a few friends I still consider friends to this very day. I had my first boyfriend at 16 and my first few dates were parent chaperoned. My second at 17. And my third at 18. These were the major boyfriends of high school. I thought I was in love with each of them, when really I was infatuated.
By college I had started going through randoms. I had a couple randoms (guys I knew I'd never marry yet still dated) I dated on & off for years. (You want to cut those off immediately when you recognize that they are a random.) These guys were persistent pests. Literally. I was a mess. Not knowing exactly what I wanted or anything. I didn't particularly take my relationship with God seriously like I should have. It wasn't until I was tired of being hurt and tired of being taken advantage of that I got focused on just God, me & my daughter. And when I shut everyone else out, that's when I finally met my husband. And he'd been under my nose for YEARS. From him living in the same neighborhood as my step-mom to us having some of the same skate friends. And I'm glad I met him when I did, I wouldn't have been ready if we met earlier on. By the time we met, I was ready to settle down and be committed to just one person.
See most people say they had long courting periods during which they were in a changing process with God. They have this long and extremely inspirational story behind their marriage. However my marriage is different & unique. I met my husband about 2 months before we ever even looked at each other in a romantic light. When we finally did get together. We went out, as friends, to a movie and early dinner. And initially we were content to just be friends, seeing as we were both focused on other things. However we started hanging out, skating together just getting to know each other as friends. Then we bought a car together, both of us used it for work.
And I remember one day he took me over his god-mother's house to meet her and his sisters. And the one question everyone seemed interested in was, 'what is our status'. I answered honestly. I figured we were just friends but I knew we had deeper feelings. So his mom told him, he'd better say something before someone else came along and wooed his future wife. And after that my husband told me, he had an idea that I was his wife, he just wanted to be sure. He made the promise that we'd be married before the summer was out. Well we ended up married within 2 weeks. I do know He is my God given husband. I saw him before I'd ever even met him. (And I'm talking, YEARS before.) Just as he knows I am his God given wife, something God confirmed to him. I love that we are on the same wave length with our faith. We have shared goals in life. His faith is one of the main things to attract me to him. The fact that he was & still is so bold about his love for God. And is willing to share that with any and every one.
When we got married, we shocked just about EVERYONE. Only people that wasn't shocked was our mothers1. Some people said we were too young (I was 22, he was 23). Others said we needed more time to get to know each other. However we were happy with our decision. Now mind you that was nearly two years ago. We've had our shares of bad days, our storms to endure together. And we are still learning each other. We don't regret getting married. We are just still in the learning stage, some days we are in the honeymoon phase. Other days we can remind you of a couple that's been married for 20 years.
We both have baggage we are trying to remove and layers to peel back but the major the plus is that we are willing to do so together. (Almost every person comes with some baggage, the question is how much & are you willing to help them get rid of it.)
We've had a son since being married, his birthday is 3 days after our anniversary. He's adopting our oldest so that she is legally his daughter and we are HAPPY.
The point is to figure out your path. Everyone's path isn't the same.
This our story. Its different from most people's story. (Only person's story who could possibly be similar is Khloe & Lamar Odom, at least that I know of.)
I decided to tell my life because its different. I don't regret anything about my life because each experience has made me who I am today. And some of it has helped others to avoid or to cope with similar pain.
It's OK to be different. It's expected of you. Just be in God's Will.
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
You & Life
So many women are lost in their past. Lost trying to figure out how to move on, become a better person. It's absolutely possible. It's taking the time to see your worth and to value you yourself like God values you.
Many women have these emotional bonds with these random men. And the only way to break that bond is to ask God to break it. You NEED God's help in breaking that bond because your flesh is weak to sin and will continue to have you sinning until you tell God to take control.
However know that when you ask for God's makeover, you need to surrender completely to Him. Let Him break off all the bad habits, the sinful bonds, the sinful desires, the bad fruit that has grown in you.
During this process you will notice your self esteem rise, you will notice your likes and dislikes will begin to change. You will even notice the people around you begin to change. People who are/were no good for you will leave and be replaced by people who will uplift you and keep you on God's narrow path.
This is a time to be solely focused on Him. A time to get rid of the pollutants, alcohol/tobacco/drugs/premarital sex. There are many other pollutants such as porn/pride/envy/selfishness. Those are mere spirits trying to take up residence in you. And you have to consistently pray for spiritual strength to overcome those fleshly desires. Every day you will need to seek God for guidance and strength. You will need to confess your sins and ask for forgiveness. You will give God praise for the work He has done and the work He is doing.
It's a refreshing growth process and its necessary to eternal life. It's necessary to completely submit to God and His Will. It's always for your good.
I am thankful to God for my process. I am still going through that process. My process has been, at times, painful and lonely. However those are times when I must completely lean on Him because at the end of the day He is who matters. I am thankful that I am not who I was 2-3 years ago. I am a better person with a stronger faith. And its all because of God. I am thankful to be alive and well. To be able to serve God is a honor. To be able to worship Him freely wherever I want is a privilege many take for granted. There are people who wish and pray for the chance to worship God freely. So be mindful of that.
Remember that you only have 1 life. And you have to give an account for what you did with that life. What do you want to say you did? Good or bad you have to give an account.
I say this to you because this is what helped me decide to surrender to God and to put His Will before my will.
Kris~
Many women have these emotional bonds with these random men. And the only way to break that bond is to ask God to break it. You NEED God's help in breaking that bond because your flesh is weak to sin and will continue to have you sinning until you tell God to take control.
However know that when you ask for God's makeover, you need to surrender completely to Him. Let Him break off all the bad habits, the sinful bonds, the sinful desires, the bad fruit that has grown in you.
During this process you will notice your self esteem rise, you will notice your likes and dislikes will begin to change. You will even notice the people around you begin to change. People who are/were no good for you will leave and be replaced by people who will uplift you and keep you on God's narrow path.
This is a time to be solely focused on Him. A time to get rid of the pollutants, alcohol/tobacco/drugs/premarital sex. There are many other pollutants such as porn/pride/envy/selfishness. Those are mere spirits trying to take up residence in you. And you have to consistently pray for spiritual strength to overcome those fleshly desires. Every day you will need to seek God for guidance and strength. You will need to confess your sins and ask for forgiveness. You will give God praise for the work He has done and the work He is doing.
It's a refreshing growth process and its necessary to eternal life. It's necessary to completely submit to God and His Will. It's always for your good.
I am thankful to God for my process. I am still going through that process. My process has been, at times, painful and lonely. However those are times when I must completely lean on Him because at the end of the day He is who matters. I am thankful that I am not who I was 2-3 years ago. I am a better person with a stronger faith. And its all because of God. I am thankful to be alive and well. To be able to serve God is a honor. To be able to worship Him freely wherever I want is a privilege many take for granted. There are people who wish and pray for the chance to worship God freely. So be mindful of that.
Remember that you only have 1 life. And you have to give an account for what you did with that life. What do you want to say you did? Good or bad you have to give an account.
I say this to you because this is what helped me decide to surrender to God and to put His Will before my will.
Kris~
Ideas...
Hi I've been thinking today and I came across a website that lets people set us community calls. I am thinking of starting a Live telephone bible study. It can start off as a once a week bible study and then maybe a follow up question day. Say as in the bible study on Tuesday evenings then the questions on Thursday? Give the participants a chance to soak up what was discussed. I'd like to make it where everyone who listens in can participate.
If you can, please do comment on this post to let me know if you would be interested in participating.
I'd greatly appreciate it.
Kris~
If you can, please do comment on this post to let me know if you would be interested in participating.
I'd greatly appreciate it.
Kris~
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