Aha moment!

                So today I am reading a book, "The marriage of your dreams by Rick Johnson" and I was getting frustrated because I was still at the beginning so I decided to skip a few chapters. And then I come across the chapter on respect and appreciation, which is where I decide to read from. I know for some people this seems to appear a basic foundational aspect. However for me its an aspect I greatly need to work at. I'm not perfect and quite often I stumble. In our last argument I heard that I did not show respect nor was I appreciative and for me that was baffling because I appreciate everything my husband does. Furthermore I have a high level of respect for him because he made me a promise & commitment and he has kept that promise & commitment to this day.

          Now that I'm reading this chapter, I realize that while I thought I had been expressing respect and appreciation, I had not. I had just been giving lip-service. Saying one thing while my actions and behavior said something else. I would say babe I respect you but then not give him my undivided attention. I'd say babe I appreciate you but then complain about frivolous things. And while my words said the right things, my behavior said the opposite. 

           I realize I need to work on making my behavior match my words. If I say I love you, my actions need to repeat I love you. If I want to communicate I respect you, my actions need to back it up. If I appreciate you my body language and other communication need to reflect my appreciation.

       So here are a few of the tips I wrote down {mind you I wrote a lot down, I'll only share a portion}:

• I can respect Chris (my hubby) by trusting his judgment and supporting his decisions.
• Don't criticize him, make fun of him (even with good intentions), or try to "jump the gun" on anything he is responsible for, it is a sign of disrespect and is humiliating.
• Respect is GIVEN not earned. Just like love is given not earned.
• Put hubby first before the children, it reminds him of how important he is.
• Build him up in public, it makes him feel good and makes others look at him positively.
• Make him feel good knowing you are happy and content by NOT grumbling or complaining.

             I'm learning that even though I mean no harm by some of the things I say or do, it does in fact cause harm. I have also learned that while I may just be observing things that I would like to have, when I voice my observations it comes off as me being unsatisfied with what I already have and unappreciative of what I have. It does NOT matter how I meant what I said but how it CAME OFF to him because once the words are out they cannot be taken back. So now I am truly realizing how I need to really think before I speak and really consider how what I say may affect my husband.

       Once again I know that this may seem novice to some people, this is in fact a breath of fresh air to me. I'm still learning as I've only been married 2 & a half years and was courted by my husband for only two weeks before we got married.

       I can say that I will continue to learn because I know that people change, expectations change but my love and dedication will NOT.

       I want to encourage ALL of you to do the same. Wives take the time to learn your husband, its OK to read a few books to get a generalized idea on how to love, respect, and appreciate your husband then tailor those ideas to your husband. In your marriage, in your family, nothing is more important than God and your husband. And how your treat your husband is important to God too.

Eph. 4:29 Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.

Eph 5:22-24 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. ²³ For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. ²⁴ Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

These two verses remind me of my role in my marriage. I need to submit to my husband (when I looked up submission in a thesaurus I saw respect, honor and obedience) and I need to build him up.

In this day and age submission seems like a dirty word, something to avoid. However in reality submission can be something beautiful and can blossom a marriage. There are different but equal roles in being a husband and wife. No role is more important than the other and both are interdependent. What matters is that both commit to their role in the marriage understanding the husband is the head of the wife and Christ is the head of the husband. When we have this view of marriage when have the grander picture. When we submit to our husbands we are in turn submitting to Christ {especially when we have a godly husband}.

~Love to you all

Kris Bush

My hubby and I about a month or so ago :)